I am the Walking Dead

I have literally pulled the first all-nighter of my life. This sucks. I feel like an emotionless machine. Sleep seems like it will never come to me again. I wanna shower but I'm afraid ill pass out and drown myself (actually maybe thats not the worst way to go out). The only thing worse that could happen to me right now is if someone made a sexual move on me. The idea of touching someone else right now makes me want to vomit whatever could possibly be left in my stomach. I feel insane writing this. I actually feel insane all the time. Maybe I am.

Don't Ask Don't Fuck

Shit, I was walking to the vending machine and there, right there, was a woman from the Air Force. We made direct eye contact. In that moment I had acknowledged here as a human being, and not a the slave trader I had come to think of them as. What was I to do. I was going to have to listen to her speech about how this could really benefit my life, and she is probably right. But fuck man I don't wanna do that. I would hate to be in any military situation. I didn't know what I was going to do. When I got close enough to have a conversation and I could see her starting to move her lips. I just scream out "I'm gay" and kept walking. I didn't look back to see her reaction but I had successfully gotten out of the situation so I was pleased with myself.

Ghetto is as Ghetto does

Your Entertainment

Trying to find the balance between dark humor and actual acts of being a pedophile are getting harder and harder everyday. I'm just going to have to keep asking Jesus to help me with my convictions.

Salmon Burrito

The best part of working in a restaurant is having the ability to drop in on peoples conversations. I mostly enjoy the mother-daughter conflicts as they are the best. The other night was no exception.

I walked in at this point..."MOM PLEEEASE. PLEASE LET ME."

"Write me an essay and I think about."

"Why can't I just tell you NOOOOW why i should go."

"I want an essay, a really big essay."

"Dad will you PLEASE tell mom she is a fucking idiot."

"Robert, Robert are you gonna let her talk to me like this. ROBERT tell me your not gonna just sit there and do nothing."

I got involved at this point. "Sir, would you like me to fill up your diet coke." He lifted his head up to give me a little nod. I walked away trying to hold back my tears of laughter. When i returned the situation had changed completely.

"I'm gonna write a really really big essay mommy." She then made a sign with her hands and arms as to show her mother how big essay was going to be.

"Thank you baby. I love you" They then preceded to hug and kiss each other. The little girl then took some of her brothers coloring paper and crayons and started drafting her essay. This time i was coming over with the food, i handed out everything except for one.

"Salmon Burrito?"

"That's for my little angle" Patting her daughters , running her fingers through her hair.

"WHHHHAT! I wanted a shrimp burrito. You are so fucking stupid mom."

Brian Wilson Rebuttal

Dear Abigal,

My young Jane Austin....you have figured out the the glimmer in my eye. I'm surprised it has taken even this long for you to figure out my affection. If it was not for the simple fact you received an A in my class yet you turned in only 4 out of the 10 reading assignments and never scored above a 70 on the exams. Those time you caught me staring at you, I was only filled with the deadliest sin of lust for your youthful breast. Your milky white skin drives me to think as a wild animal. I wanted nothing more then to just simply touch you. Touch you with my lips, pressing them firmly against your womanhood.

As for the issue of my wife, we live a life of understanding as you may or may not understand. I make sure that bread is on the table, she makes sure she does not know the secrets of my night life. I want you Abigal. I will have you.

Love,

Dick Longus

P.S. For your protection and my own, I suggest that you delete this letter seeing as a relationship in this manner may result in the lose of my position as your teacher.

This shit is Gay

Im only writin this stupd thing bcuz my girlfrend wants me 2. Al i wana do Is watch som fucken lezbeins fuckin butt i got to right this dum blog. WTF iz a blog anywy. I memba 1 time coch told us at practis that fag parez hiltin had a bllog. Fuck i beter not b a fag 4 hafin one of dez.